The essay Camari Randolph wrote was very informative and had a lot of evidence. However the topic he choose is not allowed. Also he lacked proper analysis. He would present evidence and leave it at that. It leaves the reader hanging and doesn’t connect the evidence to the thesis. His essay had numerous instances of passive voice that weakened his argument. I don’t believe he completed the word count requirement which made it difficult to give proper advice about his writing. He was 500 words short of the requirement. That is very little left for the analysis he did not have in the essay. This means that his evidence was too much as well.